"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is
ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as
being self-evident."
- Arthur Schopenhauer
This is an unplanned post, but one that needs attention. In response to Monday's post entitled, Finding Fault in Limited Choices, we received a comment that represents well, the sentiment of those that fight so hard to protect their own choices at the sacrifice of others. These are the same people who have chosen to ignore multiple deaths, injuries, and near misses in the hands of midwives in the Lansing area. The same people who have indirectly called me a slew of names in response to telling the truth about what happened to our family. Among them, "cult leader, delusional, mentally unstable, hater of midwives, destroyer of midwifery, persecutor, and now...pathetic."
Much of these accusations have been in Face Book groups or thorough email behind my back. More recently, commenting anonymously on our blog seems like a way to vent anger. The attacks are becoming more direct through my personal email, and now on the blog, yet somehow I'm the angry, hateful one in this situation...? Yep, that's the pot calling the kettle black alright. I thought our readers deserved to read firsthand just the kind of people we're dealing with here.
Much of these accusations have been in Face Book groups or thorough email behind my back. More recently, commenting anonymously on our blog seems like a way to vent anger. The attacks are becoming more direct through my personal email, and now on the blog, yet somehow I'm the angry, hateful one in this situation...? Yep, that's the pot calling the kettle black alright. I thought our readers deserved to read firsthand just the kind of people we're dealing with here.
Thank you "anonymous" commenter for making this point for me from Monday's blog post:
"I've also yet to meet a grieving family who steps into the media to be
scrutinized, attacked, and shunned just for the fun of it."
Your comment is exactly the commentary I'm referring to:
Your comment is exactly the commentary I'm referring to:
"1 person can do so much good or bad. You claim to want to improve
midwifery yet you
are really out to destroy it. Don’t fool yourself
because you are not fooling others, not for
a minute. You devote so
much time to hate, on so many levels including multiple hate
groups here
on the internet, and in what you spew and write. How do you have time
to
adequately take care of your family? I am concerned for your mental
well being,
seriously. Remember, we all become a product of our
environment thus you have
become a bitter hateful person. You are so pathetic that I am very sad for you. I am
glad to see you say you take responsibility for (only) some things…
become a bitter hateful person. You are so pathetic that I am very sad for you. I am
glad to see you say you take responsibility for (only) some things…
“'Anger is like flowing
water; there's nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow. Hate
is
like stagnant water; anger that you denied yourself the freedom to
feel, the freedom
to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes
to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes
dirty, stinky, disease-ridden, poisonous, deadly; that is your hate. On flowing water
travels little
paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger,
allow
your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.”
― C. JoyBell C.'"
The word denial comes to mind...
de·ni·al (n.)
An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings.
I just do not see how anything about this blog is out to "destroy midwifery". How is it that telling the truth of the stories I hear from families across the state, as well as my own, constitute hate? How does asking for higher standards and safer practices represent bitterness? This blog would be difficult to write if one word of it were fabricated. Sadly, it flows too easily because every word, and every reference to dangerous practices is something that has happened to a family in our state. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to know these things were happening? Who wouldn't want them to change? It's not about hate in even the slightest way. It's about pulling back a dark curtain of lies, misrepresentations, cover-ups, and untruths to reveal an ugly truth that must be addressed if midwifery is going to be a safe option for women. I do not think the midwives I'm referring to are the majority, but the dangerous few. If we can't delineate the safe practices from those that area costing lives, we can't work to improve the practice.
As for spending time with my family? Well, let's just say I'd much rather be chasing around my 1 and a half year old than telling the world about his preventable death that never should have happened, and trying to make sure it doesn't happen to others. It's not work I asked for, but it is work I must do. To be silent about such atrocities, would be concealing things I know are wrong, and I cannot live that lie. I have two children to protect, one I can see and hug every day, and another whose love and life I had to learn to know differently. Whether on this earth or not, they both deserve to be protected, defended, and loved when someone brings them harm. There is no greater honor I can offer Magnus, or any other member of our family, than telling the truth about what happened to us.
I'm sorry that some people are not able to walk a moment in my shoes, and see what I have seen. Until your baby dies in your arms because of severe negligence, you can't even begin to imagine my perspective. Until you read the lies your midwife wrote about you, and realize the lies she told you that put you in great danger, you will never understand why we must take action. You can make up lies about me that help you cope in a sea of denial. You can choose to ignore the problems families are facing, and in doing so, it will be the people like you that ultimately do midwifery the greatest amount of harm. I understand that grieving for a lost illusion is easier for some that facing reality.
Like I said in Monday's post, I accept the blame, the anger, the "hate" that somehow makes some people feel better, if it means things are safer in the end. To those who call loss moms "pathetic" for speaking out and trying to advocate for safety...well, it's that darn pot and kettle idiom all over again.
"The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." - Winston Churchill